Christmas is comming !

Oh I love Christmas, it’s the best time of the year! It’s the time when you be with your family and friends, eat lots of great food and everybody has time for each other. There is snow on the ground and everything... It’s so beautiful.

And of course before Christmas there is pre-Christmas party’s… This year I have two party’s to go on, first one is actually tomorrow.  Almost everybody at work is going; I’m maybe just a little bit worry about David… He is talking about the party almost every day and he is constantly telling me that he is going to drink as much as he can… And that’s a lot of booze. I kind of get it, because he is always working and sometimes he just wants to clear his mind of it. But I don’t want to be the babysitter, I want to have fun and not spend my evening to taking care of him… 

And yeah, Carol is coming there to… That should be interesting, I just hope that she can “play nice” so I don’t have to snap at her or anything like that. Because I know I will, I’m tired to watch the thing going on between of them…

I know that I sound very childish and immature and my self-esteem is hiding somewhere… And maybe you are right; I think very often that why David or anybody else would want to spend their lives with me when they could get somebody so much better. Why David is with me, why he loves me, or say that he loves me? Who knows…I don’t.

I’m jealous and I sometimes think that the playing around is something else that it really is… Or how do I know. If it is something more than just playing I think he wouldn’t tell me anyway…   

And somebody maybe thinks that if I don’t trust David, why I’m still with him? That’s because I love him… I love him so much it hurts and yes I want to say that I trust him, but I don’t trust the people with him…